Can Purell be used as lube?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
