I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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