I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
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We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
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What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?