I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it