I need to stop coming to work sober
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick