those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.