I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.