I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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