My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
