if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
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