How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
