Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
