So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
