You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize