i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
