there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
