I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
