I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
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we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
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I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize