I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
