she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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