If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
