Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
