"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
