I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
