dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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