At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
