Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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