And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
He melted the stem
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I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
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Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?