White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.