apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
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you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.