having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.