suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.