My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
