Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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