I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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