she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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