No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My life is pants optional.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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