Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
home. puking in laundry basket.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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