also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
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Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
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Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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