Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
