I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I need to stop coming to work sober
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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