So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
