I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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