we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
