cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
