Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
