brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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