doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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