Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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