i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
