I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
