Please, let me fuck your mom
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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