Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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