I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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