Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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