I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
