he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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