Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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