Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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