She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
