youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize