im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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