margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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