Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Jerry, you need to find god
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
