It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
