Sry I called you an 8
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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