I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
